30th November:

Most of the world's most famous comedians, satirists and all-round-generally-funny people have at one time or another lampooned organised religion. And for every Dave Allen or Billy Connolly or Mel Brooks who has taken a pop at the big man upstairs or, more likely, his followers down here, there has been the predictably outraged gang of people 5 steps behind calling for the offender to be censured, castigated, larched or, if they are Liberal Democrats, thoroughly frowned upon. Meanwhile, those sensible people who are secure in their faith have sighed and wondered what all the fuss is about.

See, the fact is that most religions have survived pretty well for a few thousand years or so, despite the naysayers and comedians queueing up to poke sticks at them. Which makes the response of certain Muslim communities to recent events in Sudan all the more bewildering. In summary, a British woman has been jailed for 15 days in Sudan because she allowed the class of children that she was teaching to call a teddy bear Muhammad. Senior clerics in Sudan have apparently said that this action was part of a Western plot against Islam. And this is my problem. Just exactly how insecure and paranoid would you have to feel to claim that giving a stuffed toy the same name as your prophet is a calculated move by a group of foreign nations designed with the express intention of wiping you and your fellow believers off the face of the map. I mean, that's the sort of nonsense you might expect from the Americans, but the Sudanese...?

Journalistic-types have suggested that this is just another example of Islam having a sense of humour breakdown when it comes to the principle of free speech and taking every opportunity to fuel the "nobody likes us, everyone is out to ridicule us" anti-Western card - the very same tactics that helped prolong the protests against the cartoons in the Danish press last year. And to be fair, reactions like those of the clerics in Sudan do suggest that your average devout Muslim is rather po-faced about his religion and could do with a right good tickling to lighten him up.

In the spirit of international harmony and social cohesion, I therefore propose National 'Tickle a Muslim" day.