4th January:

Pikey High Street pub chain JD Wetherspoons have apparently decided that a pub is no place for children. So if you go in there with your youngsters to, say, have lunch, you run the risk of being told by the no-doubt equally pikey bar-person that you will only be served a maximum of two alcoholic drinks. This is to ensure that you don't get streaming drunk and beat your children publicly to within an inch of their lives. Good to see they know their clientèle, eh?

As has been noted elsewhere in these pages ad nauseum, I like the idea of treating people like adults. Until they prove they don't deserve it. So us sensible people who are capable of having a glass or two of wine with our steak and ale pie in the country pub will carry on with our lives regardless. And those who get turfed out on to the urban pavement after a soggy burger and 2 bottles of WKD will probably just tie their offspring up to the nearest lamppost and head straight back to the bar. Thus has it always been and thus shall it always be.

People in the UK talk about binge drinking culture and the perils of 24 hour licensing but the fact of the matter remains that someone who drinks 12 pints over an evening and then goes outside and batters the first person who looks at them strangely is just that kind of person. An idiot. These are surely primarily issues of personal responsibility and education. Yes, OK, the licensing trade has a role to play and Wetherspoons probably shouldn't sell obscure brands of cereal-waste-product-based Vodka substitute for 99 pence a shot but just because it's there doesn't mean people have to drink it.

Suffice to say that Wetherspoons have never profited from a single penny of my disposable income and today's revelation will ensure that this remains the state of play for some time to come.

Oh, and mine's a large one.