21st December:

At the risk of using the already shagged-out phrase "political correctness gone mad", there does seem to be something a little strange in the air when it comes to the festive season. I think it all stems for the idea that we're no longer allowed to call this time of year 'Christmas' for fear of upsetting Muslims, Jews, Zen Buddhists, the Chinese, ethnic minorities, single-mothers, Martians, hamsters or the Liberal Democrats. Not that anyone has ever bothered to stop and ask these people how offended they are in the first place, of course. Christ, even Richard Dawkins has done the unthinkable and declared himself to be a 'cultural Christian', quite comfortable singing the occasional Christmas carol and decorating the house with tinsel and a tree.

Never underestimate the ability of people to be po-faced at any time of the year synonymous with celebration and joy. Look at Radio 1's appallingly embarrassing U-turn over the censorship of the lyrics to "Fairytale of New York". Apparently, the powers that be were all concerned that listeners might be outraged at the use of the word "faggot" in the song. Homophobic and all that, innit? The fact that the song has received only a tiny number of complaints in all the years it has been played uncensored on the radio since its release has nothing to do with it. No, no. Apparently the world is a different place now and censorship we must have in order to preserve the sensibilities of our gentle listeners. Bugger off. Seriously, you'll hear worse in a primary school playground these days. Fortunately, enough people phoned Radio 1 and told them to get a grip that the decision was publicly overturned. Custard pies all round.

I'm not quite sure when Britain's civil servants became infected with this particular strain of Daily-Mail-itis that made them assume we are all wet and defenceless morons who need to be mollycoddled and protected by the state, but it is completely cancerous. Whatever happened to common sense and treating people like adults? If the UK is predominately a Christian country, let's just call those twinkly things on the High Street Christmas lights, eh? I'm sure all British non-Christians who are secure in their faith (whatever it may be) can live with that and won't be rushing off to write stiff letters to the Readers Digest, suing their local MP or trying to blow up the nearest Salvation Army brass band.

I'm all for being inclusive wherever possible, but I am similarly in favour of diversity and distinctive identity. And the more these grey-cardigan-wearing local government pillocks are allowed to sanitise every word and expression down to the blandest form, the poorer our society and culture will be.