5th January:

Happy Birthday, Dad.

There is no greater adventure in life than parenthood, apparently. If you live in the world of glossy magazines and shiny car adverts. For those of us in Normaltown, however, the prospect of imminently sharing your life with a smaller, more belligerent version of yourself who thinks that vomit is a decorative option can be utterly terrifying.

Of course, crumbs of comfort litter the ground. Mankind has been doing this sort of thing for millions of years, we are told. It’s really not that big a deal. Yes, you will be tired and yes you will discover that every item of clothing you possess has suddenly acquired little milky burp stains, but the joys of parenthood will far outweigh any such minor inconveniences. There, feeling reassured?

The latest statistics relating to divorce and separation beg to differ. Apparently, 1 marriage in 3 comes to an end (presumably a sticky one) during the first 12 months of a new baby entering the household. Sobering stuff. Maybe it’s the fatigue, maybe it’s the difficulties inherent in juggling career and childcare, maybe it’s just the feeling that life has suddenly become overwhelmingly complex where once there was freedom and simplicity. Any way you care to dissect it, 1 couple in 3 don’t make it through those first 12 months as a family.

Your congenial host is not an affluent person, but an au pair is suddenly starting to look like a thoroughly worthwhile investment.