29th September:

My daily commute usually takes around 30 minutes each way, most of which is spent on the A14 - a 2-lane stretch of motorway that features several sets of average speed cameras. However, even when I'm sitting in the fast lane doing 72 mph and the inside lane is full, people really seem to enjoy tailgating me. I've noticed, somewhat strangely, that these people are mostly fat. And drive small cars.

Now before anyone gets on their high-horse and starts accusing me of snobbery here, let me state that I have nothing against fat folk, nor do I bear any grudge against drivers of compact cars. However, it is a bit odd that the larger boned individuals do seem to be attracted to the more modestly sized vehicles. It's even more strange that, having shoe-horned themselves into their Ford Fiesta 1.1, and found a place on the dashboard for the 2 litre Coke bottle and the family sized bag of Doritos, they then choose to drive like eejits and exhibit exactly the kind of behaviour that leads to the A14 enjoying almost 300 accidents every year.

Bad news, folks - all that extra fat really doesn't mean you'll just bounce of my boot unharmed when I slap the brakes on.