28th September:

Every so often Hollywood seems to go through a bit of a creative barren spell. Experience suggests that the answer to this malaise is “if in doubt, find another obscure children’s classic to butcher”.

To be fair, it’s not always that bad - some intelligent casting, sensitive directing and careful use of CGI can occasionally result in the sympathetic translation of an old-loved favourite into something that new generations can embrace and enjoy. 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' being one example that springs immediately to mind. However, it's more than likely that you're actually going to get a 'Thunderbirds' - Jonathan Frakes is probably still scratching his head somewhere trying to remember who had convinced him that this would be a winning idea.

Having given this some thought, I would like to offer some helpful suggestions for the next crop of live-action adaptations of my childhood favourites that may appeal to the yoot of today:

Rhubarb and Custard - The Priory Years.
Bod and the Fruit Salad Frenzy.
Button Moon: The Spaghetti Assassination
Nightmare on Pigeon Street
Mr. Benn, transgender time traveller.
Bagpuss: we will, we will, mend you.

Quick, somebody get me a phone. Hello, is that Mr. Frakes...?