20th July:

Post 100. Happy birthday to me.

The English Summer weather continues to change, startle and confuse more regularly than a Beckham hairstyle.

In other news, the admission by the British Home Secretary of occasional cannabis use during her heady days as a student results in a veritable stampede as government minister after minister seems compelled to admit to the press that they too smoked cannabis during their yoot. Innit. Nobody actually admits to having enjoyed it, though. And each of these admissions is delivered in a rather carefully orchestrated and po-faced "I know now it was wrong and i'm not proud of myself" fashion. Except for Labour minister Peter Hain, who turns up on Channel 4 news and admits he fucking loved it. So there goes his career, up in a puff of fragrant green smoke. Welcome to the Labour party: If you're not wasted, the day is.

What exactly is the collective noun for government ministers anyway? I vote for either a 'guile' or a 'misrepresentation'.

Come to think of it, these revelations of rife drug misuse all start to make sense. Most of us have suspected for years that Ruth Kelly was on something. And our new PM certainly cannot be that laboured in his mannerisms naturally. He's clearly on Temazepam. Either that or the batteries need changing.

A sportsman only improves by playing against better opponents. Which surely means that the aforementioned Beckham will come on leaps and bounds given that he appears to have signed for a glorified pub team that gets humped every week. Albeit a pretty rich one. Although not for much longer, given his wages. Meanwhile, Mrs. B will pootle around L.A. in her new Bentley doing whatever it is that these people do. Until she realises that she is actually a small fish is a very large and well established pond. At which point she will no doubt go in the huff and scuttle home again, blaming too much sunshine and a lack of marmite for her inability to command front page status every week in the tabloid press. Oh no, wait a minute, that would suggest that she eats.

If I was live on air I would be taking a zippo to my script as we speak.