15th February:

At the Brit music awards last night Oasis were presented with an award for outstanding contribution to music. Which is slightly puzzling given that they haven't knocked out a decent tune since about 1994. Even if they have knocked out a few tabloid photographers.

Liam (he's the oafish younger one as opposed to the older, quieter one with all the talent) has one of those unfortunate faces that, to quote my dear departed Grandmother, you would never tire of slapping. Some people may derive satisfaction from seeing their favourite pop stars get drunk, get lairy, grope a waitress and lamp the paparazzi on their way out of the building, but your congenial host prefers his musical deities to be slightly more articulate and reflective.

Towards the end of his all-too-brief career, Hendrix really played the guitar. He had given up setting fire to them or smashing them against amps - he just wanted to play and be known for his musicianship rather than his showmanship.

If you don't have anything interesting to say, say nothing.