31st March:

So, the clocks have finally gone forward and Spring appears genuinely to have sprung. Hurrah! And now we look forward to a glorious Summer. Or, to be more realistic, a rather damp and humid Summer punctuated with hosepipe bans because the wrong kind of rain fell in January.

Your congenial host was supposed to be in Milan this weekend, but Terminal 5 proved to be terminal on Thursday, so home I came. Cue national debate about how shit it is to be British and how we really have lost the plot ever since we allowed everything everywhere to be made in China. Even more disappointing was the fact that I did two interviews to camera, one with ITN and one with the BBC, neither of which were used. Despite me being particularly funny. No, really.

Speaking of the theme of Britain being on its arse, I spotted this rather splendid piece in the Times the other day. Makes you think, dunnit? Almost makes you want to take on an allotment and become self-sufficient. Oh, hang on a minute...

18th March:

Headline from the BBC News web site today: Religion 'linked to happy life'.

Ignorance is bliss.

7th March:

Please excuse me for a moment while I go all political on you.

According to the news today, China plans to impose stricter rules on foreign musicians after singer Bjork caused controversy by shouting "Tibet, Tibet" at a Shanghai concert.

China's culture ministry said the outburst "broke Chinese law and hurt Chinese people's feelings". And of course, the culture ministry knows all about the Chinese people's feelings. It decides them on a daily basis.

"We will further tighten controls on foreign artists performing in China in order to prevent similar cases from happening in the future," the ministry said in a statement on its website. So you can go to China and play your songs, but you'll have no freedom of expression. Which is kind of what being an artist is all about.

History suggests that any regime that attempts to censure freedom of speech or the arts, or use them for its own gain, comes a cropper eventually. Which must mean that the current Chinese government is sitting on a massive powder-keg. Anyone prepared to take me up on the bet of a post-Olympic games uprising?

3rd March:

A short weekend away in the South of France has again confirmed my earnestly-held belief that someone could make a fortune by establishing an airline that operates from Stansted airport and flies to major European destinations but which offers allocated seating, comfortable gate areas and, most importantly, transparent pricing. It's no secret that I detest Ryanair, but there are some routes that render travelling with them practically unavoidable. Which annoys me even more.

Take your ticket price and add on the taxes. Then add on the cost of checking in at the airport (no longer free because they'd prefer you to do it over the web), the cost of your hold baggage, your priority boarding pass, then add a supplement for paying by credit card and voila! Your 50 pence ticket is costing you 80 quid. I'm almost waiting for the day when they change the pre-flight safety demonstration to something along the lines of "In case of depressurisation, an oxygen mask will appear from the panel above your head. Pull the mask sharply downwards and place it over your nose and mouth. Remove your credit card and swipe along the card reader, as shown, and breath normally". Except they'll probably charge you a supplement for using Visa rather than Maestro.

In case of depression, please get off and take your business elsewhere.